Wednesday, February 4, 2015

What Shall Be Done?

I have no clue what to do with my days--the double joy of having a disability and a Roomba. I say my prayers, I sit and read, I listen to music. I really feel like there should be more to this life.

The webcomic Adam4d has been challenging me (i.e., making me quite uncomfortable) in its driving mission to spread the Gospel. But what can I do? I'm just a recluse. I only leave the house for church and occasional doctors appointments. I sit at the computer and buy hordes of clothes and books and doodads that strike me as being very necessary at the time. (I'm giving up shopping for Lent, by the way.) My dogs lie around all day between feedings, and I'm much the same way--except that I'm not nearly as cute when I do it. What do I do?

Wait a minute ... I may be a recluse, but I'm a recluse with a blog!

Okay, maybe that's not so exceptional. But it's either this or journalling, and I've grown sick of journalling over the years. Anyway ...

Why am I a Christian?

Let me answer that in as roundabout a way as possible: Yesterday in the Episcopal Church, we celebrated the Dorchester Chaplains, four men of four different faiths, who, when their ship the Dorchester was attacked by a German U-boat, gave up their own life-vests and helped save many sailors while sacrificing their own lives. Religion isn't about a "me first" policy. I want to live that sacrificial life as well.

But a secular humanist could be just as brave and good. Why am I a Christian? When we take Communion, we remember Jesus' sacrifice for us, and for whatever reason (it could just be that the wine is a scrumptious tawny Port), I feel immensely thankful. Honestly, I don't know if Communion is the Body and Blood of Christ--in my head I believe it is, but my heart's a little trickier to convince sometimes. When I was Orthodox, I rarely took Communion because I believed I'd done something wrong: left out something in confession, didn't say my pre-Communion prayers right, or sinned too much during the week. (By the way, I may have a form of OCD called scrupulosity, which makes me hyper-religious and scared to death of hell, so that may explain some of this.) But I'm happy to take Communion with the Episcopalians again.

I've written this just as much for my benefit as anyone else's, since I frequently wonder why I'm a Christian myself. Anyway, here's some music:

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