I went to Vigil on Saturday. For most of it, at least. It was my first time in church in over a year, and frankly I still don't think I'm ready to go back full-time. Even though I sat through most of the service, I woke up Sunday morning aching and with a massive headache. Sunday morning Liturgy was not going to happen.
I've apparently gone mad in my time away. I listened to Abbot Tryphon on how to dress for church, wore an abaya and a scarf tied around my neck, and realized I was way overdressed when everyone else was in jeans. I don't blame Abbot Tryphon--I blame me for being overzealous. The abayas will be nice for lounging at home and for monastery visits, but for a regular service in August ... well, it just calls attention to me.
I did make one useful discovery in my time away: I love pants. I love dresses. I want to set maxi skirts on fire when I wear them. I think skirts will be leaving my wardrobe very soon.
I had forgotten how judgmental I can be. Everyone there got judged for something while I sat on my chair and looked around. It's really easy to forget your personal demons while you're at home alone. Back to church to fight the good fight.
I'm still so tired and so sick. I hate being low-functioning. This is going to take some work: I need to build back up my stamina just so I can be in church, and I need to exercise (NOOOO!!!) so I don't wake up with everything hurting the next day.
Fashion-wise, it's back to pants and nice shirts and cardigans and tichels--especially tichels, because the rectangular scarves that go over my head and then around my neck make me looks like a muslimah. I used to think those square and triangular scarves that I tied into a bun at the back of my neck drew too much attention, but I've realized they're the most comfortable thing for me. And I'm beginning to think that if I didn't want to draw attention to myself at all, I might as well have never been. Follow rules of modesty and simply be at the services--you'll probably get noticed by someone no matter what.
Anyway, happy Ecclesiastical New Year. I'll try again on Wednesday. In the meantime, it's time to drag Chris out of bed and eat some Whataburger and watch this past week's Doctor Who. God bless you, gentle readers.