Monday, February 10, 2014

Let's All Complain About Family Size

I've been having a hard day: I want to adopt, but I know in my heart of hearts that my mental and physical health problems are too great. Things just don't seem to be improving. So I'm whiny today. Chris said that he loved our little family, and I said it wasn't a family. This upset him.

I'm reluctant to embrace the "family of two" title because of everyone and their blog. Someone's going to complain that two people are a couple, not a family, and rush to the internet to get all vitriolic about it. It all started when someone posted a blog about how she hates young married couples with children. Then the young married couples with children fired back about how they hate people without children (ouch). Next there'll be a jab about large families just wanting their own reality shows. Then let's poke at single parents who can't make ends meet. And of course, most loathsome of all, there are the couples who don't have and don't want children--are they childless-by-choice or not-by-choice? And why don't the latter just adopt? Why would anyone who was childless-not-by-choice not just do adoption?

Yeah, familiar blog themes here. Sorry.

I really, really hate that I feel like I don't have the capacity to parent a child who has huge issues. Chris doesn't want to foster. My interest in adopting a baby is next to nothing. You have to agree on these things. International adoption is no longer available to us because of my medications. The one adoption we did try was extremely stressful and ended horribly. That's how people end up childless-not-by-choice. And we have terrible crises like, "OMG, I can't even keep a plant alive, how could I have kept children alive?" and, "What does the family with ten children think of us?" and (my personal favorite), "Do other infertile couples judge me because I didn't do everything in my power to have a child?"

There was a blog post some time ago about "mommy wars". You know, "You didn't breastfeed, so your child will be retarded," and, "You homeschool? Don't you care about socialization?!" and, "You didn't adopt an American child? Don't you like America?!"You get the idea. But the gist of this post was that there's no point in complaining about how you parent when there are children who don't have parents. So I'll issue my version of that. I am part of a family of two. I don't care if you have 20 children, if you're starting your family late, if you just never wanted kids, if you only have one kid, if you're too sick to parent, if you're a single parent, whatever. We're all families. So shut up about it.

Or not, if you want to talk about how my family of two isn't really a family.

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