I saw the slogan for Diapers.com--Everything but the Baby--and I knew it was time to sit down and write.
I'm rather bipolar right now (not in the psychological sense). The radio is playing PSA's for adopting from foster care and I'm wondering about having a baby again. Then the guys on the radio talk about spending $100 on batteries alone at Christmas and I'm thinking about birth control. As I often say to Chris, "This is the suck."
I'm dealing with a plague of pregnancies and new babies in my life, which is probably why I'm emotional. Parenthood seems fulfilling until I watch something break down between parent and child. (Read: our oldest niece is in middle school now.) I'm sure anyone would tell me that the ups and downs are worth it in parenting, but I just don't know.
You know what really bugs me? That I can't damn decide. Actually, I think I've decided not to put forth the effort required to get around my infertility, but I feel guilty about it. Which is stupid. I was on a website for DINK's (even though we're a SINK--single income, no kids), and apparently only 7% of people in the US think that not having kids is selfish. Which brings me to an embarrassing confession: We were at the Dallas farmers market years ago, and I heard one woman selling gourmet dog biscuits say that her dogs were her kids. And I thought that was just plain selfish. But now I think, "What if she was like you? What if kids just didn't happen? What if she had a miscarriage and a failed adoption and just didn't want to go through it all again?"
I almost told my in-laws at Christmas that the dogs (who were in tow) were as close to grandchildren as they would get from us. So now I'm the lady whose dogs are her children. One is pigheaded and has ADHD, and the other is shy and clingy. And the cats are just cats.
I'm going to go back to that DINKs website and feel better about myself.