Screw veg! I just want to eat like a normal person! Of course, that's out the window thanks to Chris's health issues. I know I just need to cook more: When I do cook, I always use whole grains and fresh veggies. I have Mark Bittman cookbooks such as so and this one waiting in the wings till it's released, so it's not like we can't eat well. It's just ... I get these ideas in my head about what's best, and eventually I catch an adherent saying something crazy like, "I don't eat honey/beans/grains," and I think, "I've joined the culinary looney bin." I will eat, and eventually I will die because no diet has yet to grant immortality. Heaven help me.
Anyway, the five year plan.
I'm tired of sitting on my useless duff, writing stories (which I haven't done in, like, a month) and knitting, so I have some goals.
- Get healthy (vague expression, I know, but there's nothing more concise)
- Learn to manage my depression so that when it's at its height I'm not a complete basketcase
- When I'm 35, reassess how I feel and how I'm doing, and if the lights are all green, become a CNA
I get frustrated when I don't improve by leaps and bounds immediately, and, let's face it, these are things which won't improve immediately. So it'll be back to gentle yoga and small walks until I'm up for more. And there's a chance that at 35 I will still be sick, in which case I will resign myself to a life of knitting and cleaning up. But if that's not the case, I want to be out of the house, shaking my little fist at all my fears and anxieties, and working a somewhat meaningful job.
When I was up north in the old country (Missouri), my mom sat beside me in bed while I laid there feeling like dying and said that after her surgery, she had to get up and do things or she never would be strong again. And she wondered if I needed to get up and do things for that same reason. Naturally, I'm inclined to say that I have unfixable problems and just need to rest, but that's probably not true. So tomorrow (well, actually, today--it's 3:30 AM), I'm getting up and cleaning up a little and getting on the exercise bike and going to therapy--all the good stuff. And then Chris will get home at 7:00, and we'll eat dinner and probably watch Doctor Who and then go to bed. And I won't feel guilty because I think I wasted a day.
So what think you?