Tuesday, September 3, 2013

If I Had My Way ...

I'd have one kid. Just one.
Dorothy Elizabeth if it was a girl,
Titus Allen if it was a boy.

I'd vaccinate.

I originally thought I'd be an unschooling homeschooler,
but now I think I'd just send them to public schools
so Mommy could have some sanity time.

I'd adopt from foster care.
I'd do embryo adoption.
I'd do NaPro and have my own kid.

Instead,

I've got PCOS and can't conceive.
I've also got a mental disorder that requires a lot of treatment and a lot of drugs.

So,

I'm thinking of going on birth control of some sort
because having a baby and staying on drugs = birth defects,
and having a baby and not staying on drugs = disaster waiting to happen.

As for foster care,
those kids require a lot of work (that's no secret),
and I'm prone to a debilitating melancholia that is not conducive to helping a child who really needs help.

I see your kids on Facebook,
and I want tummy time with black and white flashcards
and the first day of kindergarten
and parent-teacher conferences

and I kinda wanna just drop a kid off at the library in the non-fiction section
and let them learn whatever the hell they want to.

Nine years of marriage
One miscarriage
One failed adoption
(and boy how it failed)

But,

you know what do I have?

A kick-ass art collection,
vacation time out the wazoo,
the two awesomest nieces ever,
the kind of marriage people dream of.

I still think,
"When I have kids ..."
but I'm getting over it
and learning to be proud of myself.

3 comments:

LSB said...

Oh, how I love you!

Jonelle said...

That was beautiful!

Anonymous said...

^agree