Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Home Again

It's 1:15 in the morning. I don't remember being asleep before that, but I must have been because I know I wasn't lying there awake from 9:30 to 1:00. Regardless, I arrived back in Texas last night, and only once did I text Chris asking if it was okay to murder my fellow passengers in cold blood (I try not to be easily annoyed, but there's only so much talk I can stand about how your life in finance really prepared you for law school). Now I'm back home with Chris and the menagerie and a record of swearing that means I'll just put $20 in the alms box and call it even. Must ... kill ... potty mouth ...

Life is good. Time has gotten the higher dosage of meds to work, and rest has done a good job of killing most of the depression. I fully expect to be depressed again in due time but hopefully not suicidal. Anyway, here I am, another early morning blogging session. That's okay. Sleep is not my strong suit, and it feels good just to be happy.

I escaped Missouri just before a winter storm watch. My parents are expecting to be snowed/iced in for a few days. In younger days, I'd stomp through the snow to the back fence that overlooked a major street just to watch the cars slide around on the ice. Instead, I'm back in Texas where it's raining and where it'll be 44 tomorrow. Brrr.

My dog still squeals when he sees me. He just about lost it when I came through the front door. That's a good pet if I've ever heard of one.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

So I'm Depressed

I'm in my ancestral homeland of Missouri after a suicidal scare. It's here that I am attempting to recuperate. I return to Texas and to normal life on Tuesday. Fortunately, I saw my psychiatrist just before I left and my meds have been adjusted accordingly. The only problem with that is that now I'm shaking like a leaf. But my mind is improving, so I'll just have to deal with spilling my drink occasionally.

I eat so much sugar when I'm at home. You should see me knock back the Dr Peppers! Teatime is the only thing that makes me feel remotely sane food-wise. And that still involves a big glob of honey. Mom and I roasted a chicken (it was my maiden voyage as a chicken roaster) for Chris, and that was the last time I cooked anything. And cooking is therapeutic for me. Woe is me. Mom wants to make biccies though, so we'll see if that goes down.

So I recover. I have a clean and blessed home to return to when I'm better. And we can always hope these meds work.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

On My Depressing New Habit

If you can call it a habit.

I worry that I'm depressing all my friends on Facebook by posting missing people from Seeking TheLost. I've probably been blocked now by just about everyone. Staring such sadness in the face may be too much for many a sensitive soul to bear. I try not to worry because I'm the most sensitive soul in the world, and if I can face that down then surely other people can. I worried that some might think it was annoying, but someone responded to that comment on Facebook with, "Yeah, it's so annoying when you try to help people." Good point.

I try to post just Texas cases since I have friends mostly from Texas. Occasionally I'll post one from Missouri since I still know people there. I have posted one international one. I try to stick to the rules that the people I post it to should have at least the scant possibility of finding them, but I find it very hard not to post missing suicidal and mentally ill folk from all over the US. This may be TMI, but there were many times before I was being treated that I just wanted to walk out the front door and disappear, so even if I don't post one of those people they're always near to my heart.

I was reading an article (that I didn't like, by the way) that mentioned that people who say they'll pray for you and never do anything else are lazy. I disagree--sometimes prayer is all people have to give, and who better to turn to in a crisis than God? That said ...
“God provides the wind, Man must raise the sail.” - St. Augustine of Hippo
But I'm incapable of doing anything tangible for the suicidal woman who's disappeared in South Texas. Prayer's all I have to offer--that and sharing the information. That's all I can say to defend what I'm doing. I hope I'm not depressing you and that you're praying or keeping good thoughts or, if you're in range, keeping your eyes peeled.