Monday, June 4, 2012

Adoption Books Are Not for Sissies

The book I'm reading right now prompted me to ask my husband last night, "Can I ask you a question that might make your brain explode?" After he obliged, I continued, "Is it worse to have an abortion or to drink and do drugs throughout the pregnancy?"

Chris attempted to get out of answering the question by suffocating himself under his own pillow, but finally he emerged and said, "They're both incredibly selfish things to do."

In order for you to ponder this miserable question in your own mind, you may want to consider that the pregnant person in question was proud of herself for not having an abortion. Like my husband, I'm stumped. But the whole world of adoption and foster care mystifies me. How could things go so wrong that the child's parents would treat them so badly? Why doesn't anyone in the extended family step up for the child? How can the majority of Americans turn a blind eye to what's happening throughout the country? And when is Christ returning, because I'm not sure it can get much worse than this?

I've been reading a lot of adoption memoirs just to get ramped up since it'll be a while before we actually adopt. In the last one I read, this happened:

1. One child is diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder, becomes violent, and has to be hospitalized.
2. Years later, two children turn out to be psychopaths, run away from home, turn the community against the family by claiming abuse, and end up completely severing ties with the family.
3. Another child reveals that the psychopaths molested him for five years.
4. The same child, cursed with the double-whammy of sexual abuse and a family history of mental illness, is diagnosed with childhood-onset schizophrenia.
5. The same child also turns violent and has to be hospitalized.

Good fun read.

As dismal as it all is, it's a good thing not to go into this blindly. If I can get through these books and still want to adopt at the end of it, then I'm in denial, naive, or the biggest kind of idiot. Probably all three. But if you have no hope, why adopt at all?

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