Monday, March 16, 2009

Top 25 Very, Very Random Thoughts on Watching Alexander Nevsky Late at Night

Note: I hear there’s been some disappointment about the extreme lack of content on the Loquat of late, due in large part to the fact that, like everyone else in America, I spend most of my waking hours on Facebook. I originally conceived this for Facebook, where the “25 random thoughts” format reigns supreme. However, I so amused myself last night that I thought I’d share it here too.

I’m so obsessed with the composer Sergei Prokofiev right now that I really went off the deep end and bought the two films he scored, Alexander Nevsky and Ivan the Terrible. Because time with the hubby gone is apparently not time well spent, I was up past 1 AM last night watching the movie. For whatever reason, I kept notes of my thoughts throughout the viewing experience, and I’ve ranked them here for the general amusement of all. I think random thoughts are at their best completely devoid of context, but just to prevent too much confusion I’ll say that if you don’t get it, it’s probably a reference to sound quality ... except the one time that it isn’t, when it’s a reference to costuming. You’ll see what I mean.

25. Poor horse.
24. Pythonesque helmets there.
23. Choose the cute one, Olga!
22. Pskov sure rebuilt fast.
21. The Cardinal can’t decide if he should cross them like they’re Catholic or Orthodox.
20. They’re sure okay with a girl fighting.
19. What a terrifying dirty joke!!
18. Should the orchestra sound so out of tune with one another?
17. They found the most evil-looking man in Russia to play the Cardinal.
16. That Mongol speaks impeccable Russian.
15. Sing along time! [Annoyed the dickens out of the cat, by the way]
14. Just what do they plan to set on fire at this point? Alexander?
13. Oh no. A Russian lake, even in springtime, is not a good way to go.
12. And people thought Lord of the Rings was one long battle scene.
11. Possibly the best conversation on fishing I’ve ever heard. “What’s wrong with fishing?”
10. Vasilisa! Very flattering chain mail!
9. Apparently the Germans have always been annoying.
8. They dragged a pipe organ to the front?!
7. Stalin left enough people alive just to film that scene.
6. I commend the comic use of the trombone.
5. Crucifixes can’t save you now, Germans!!
4. Brunhilde just wandered in straight out of the Ring Cycle.
3. I know Prokofiev had a great sense of irony, but this is almost “Benny Hill”.
2. Ice battle! Ice battle! YAY!
1. The kazoo band is in fine form.

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